No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
