so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
