Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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