so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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