I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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