Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
