Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
