Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
