You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
