Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
