What did I eat last night that was bloody?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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