My sheets look like a crime scene.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
