I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
