put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize