I hate your face
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
