Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize