you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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