I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
