k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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