It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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