I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
