I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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