i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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