i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
