I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
