maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
