just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
