please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
