your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
