Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
