We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
