best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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