dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
