when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
