My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize