did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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