Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
