My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
