Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
