when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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