I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
