Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize