walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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