ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
