Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
