If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
