Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
