dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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