definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize