I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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