you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
