ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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