Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
