You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
