I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
