eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
