Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
