I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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