dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
