Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dick very happy bro
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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