I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
