I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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