Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
