Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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