Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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