Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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