a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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