You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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