How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
