Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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