Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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